A snapshot of ADHD…Through the eyes of a child
Understanding ADHD from a child's perspective helps build empathy and support. This article provides insight into the challenges and strengths of living with ADHD.
A Different Way of Thinking
My brain sees things in a different way, which means I act in a different way.
The Boss in My Brain
A big part of me has a boss called Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). ADHD is a complex neurobiological disorder, which means it is NOT behavioural.
Thinking at a Different Pace
My thinking part of my brain can be between 3-6 years behind other kids of my age who don’t have ADHD, so when I am expected to do the same things as them, in the same time period, it can be really hard. It’s not just the classroom things I find harder than other kids of my age it is also managing my emotions most places I go. Please know I am trying my best, but sometimes it is like paddling up a really strong river so I have to use more energy than other kids, which can leave me pretty exhausted! When I am tired, sometimes my ADHD gets bigger and is harder for me to try and manage.
When My Brain Takes a Break
This is when my thinking brain sometimes rests and my action part of my brain takes over…which usually does not work out too well for me or others.
Struggles with Executive Functioning
ADHD means that I have weakened or poor executive functioning skills, which means my ability to pay attention and concentrate is not always so good (especially with things that I don’t find so interesting), this means that it is often hard for me to take in information. Homework can be tricky as sometimes I have zoned out and can’t remember what I learnt in class so trying to complete tasks can be really hard.
Challenges with Planning and Organisation
Planning and organisation are also pretty hard for me, so sometimes I might not be as good as other kids at remembering things, even if they are things I need every day. I might need some gentle reminders and visual check-lists about the things I need to remember as it is hard for that information to stay in my head. Sometimes this means I can’t always finish things on time, not because I am being lazy, but because the part of my brain in charge of time management and processing is not working at the same speed as other children of my age.
Rules and Expectations Are Hard to Remember
I need you to know that lots of choices I make are not me trying to intentionally do the wrong thing, sometimes I find it hard to remember the rules and expectations. I get carried away in the moment, which sometimes gets me into BIG trouble…Poor executive skills mean that it is much harder for me to Stop and Think about which choice will have a better outcome. Sometimes I don’t always handle situations in the best way, which means I get things wrong and sometimes really upset people around me, which is not my intention as usually I am unaware that my actions are affecting anyone.
Learning from Mistakes Takes Longer
There are times when I really am confused about why I am in such big trouble because another trick of ADHD is that it takes me MUCH longer to learn from my mistakes as my non-verbal and verbal memory doesn’t always give me the images and words I need to make informed good choices. Unlike children who don’t have an ADHD brain, I need to practice things over and over and over again…Please know I am trying my best and I am really grateful when you can be patient in explaining things to me and listening to me with compassion and interest.
The Need to Move
Sitting still can sometimes be really hard for me too, my body likes to wiggle and my hands like to be busy. I know that sometimes this can be really annoying for others around me who like to be still and quiet. Sometimes having some sensory, fidget things can really help me. Movement breaks and having a drink also helps me to reset my body so I can start to learn and complete my work again.
Recognising When I’m Losing Control
Sometimes it is really hard for me to know when I might not be in control or managing things in the way others expect me to so I keep doing the same thing even though it might not be the right way of doing things.
Prioritisation and Decision-Making
Sometimes it is hard for me to prioritise things and to think about things from the inside/out, which means sometimes it looks like I am not able to pay the right amount of attention to my thoughts and feelings, which then leads me to sometimes make the wrong choices.
Problem-Solving Challenges
My problem-solving skills are often not working very well which means it can be hard for me to think through my actions and plan ahead. There are times when I might get stuck on one question and then I give up entirely. This can lead to me maybe not finishing things, which sometimes makes people upset around me. Please remember I am trying my best but it might be a brain moment that is not the same as my body age.
Big Emotions Are Hard to Handle
I also find it really hard to manage some of my emotions especially the BIG ones. Sometimes I can get really reactive as the thinking part of my brain is sometimes much slower to respond.
ADHD Can Be Invisible
It is really important for you to know that sometimes my ADHD is less visible like when I am doing something I don’t usually do and I am really interested in the task or my surroundings. If I am having to follow multiple instructions or a do a task that has multiple things I need to do, my ADHD part of my brain might take over.
Motivation and Positive Reinforcement
My ADHD brain works well when I know there is something to look forward to after I have completed a task I don’t find interesting, or one that is hard. I especially like it when people see and notice how hard I am trying. While my results might not be as impressive as other kids when I hear praise, it helps me to learn I am doing a good job and that makes me feel really good about myself.
Understanding Social Situations
Sometimes I find it difficult to read people’s faces and bodies to know when my silliness might be getting TOO big and I need to stop and re-assess. Understanding social situations between people is sometimes really hard for me as again I might jump in and say or do things that might not be so appropriate or the things expected of kids of my age. Remember though that ADHD means my executive functioning skills, at times, could be between 3-6 years behind other kids. That means my body might be my chronological age, but my brain in that moment is acting like a 3-4-year-old! When this happens, I need you to think of me like this when you are trying to help me re-focus and think about what has just happened.
Feeling Understood Helps Me Try Harder
When I feel understood and accepted I am more likely to be motivated to try EVEN harder to make good choices. This helps my self-esteem and self-worth grow, and also helps other children begin to see me as someone who is NOT always getting things wrong. Belonging helps me to feel safer, which helps me to be able to better control and manage any BIG emotions that might come my way.
Recognising My Strengths
Please notice my strengths, sometimes I am good “thinking out of the box” and I can be enthusiastic, kind and curious. I might need some help from adults to tame my spontaneity as sometimes I don’t notice if others around me might have had enough of me talking and sharing my ideas.
Gentle Reminders Work Best
If I call out, gently remind me that it is great I have an idea and that you will listen to it later. Shouting or chastising me in front of others often makes me feel shame.
Overexcitement and Distraction
I can get over-excited and sometimes really silly, which sometimes means I can distract others around me and again I am not able to do the things I need to. This leaves me feeling pretty yucky as I don’t feel good about myself when I get things wrong.
Needing Prompts to Complete Tasks
My ADHD brain often needs prompting many times to complete a task by a teacher or an adult especially if I am finding it hard or it is not something I am not passionate about. Please know it is not because I don’t want to do it, it is because my brain is not helping me to think in the same way as kids who do not have an ADHD brain.
My Brain’s Pause Button Doesn’t Always Work
Every human has a Pause button and a Sorting machine inside their brain that helps them to regulate their attention, thoughts, feelings and choices or actions. My Pause button and sorting machine often don’t work as effectively as other children who do not have an ADHD brain. This means that ALL my thoughts, emotions and actions bombard me as they not sorted according to order and importance. My responses to things are often not internally sorted for accuracy or appropriateness. This means that I often make mistakes and unintentionally tell lies as thoughts are just popping into my head without me thinking things through.
Emotional Regulation and Support
When I respond in these ways, my nervous system is often flooded and I end up feeling out of control, which means my choices are often not great and it is hard for me to stay focused. Please know I am NOT meaning to purposely upset anyone I sometimes can’t think about the consequences as the action part of my brain takes over.
Medication Helps, But It’s Not Perfect
I take medicine to help me with all these things. The medicine is not perfect or magical which means I still need to work hard to stay focused and make choices that are expected wherever I am. The medicine sometimes does not last all day, which means I might be a bit more unsettled and sillier in the afternoon. When my medicine is not in my body and helping me, I have to work even harder to try and stay on track, which is really hard. This is when I might need more mini goals, more gentle reminders and LOTS of patience as I am then running solo.
Struggles with Shame and Resetting
Sometimes I feel so ashamed about what has happened and I don’t feel good about myself at all. I need help to soothe and reset so I can try my best to start my day again. I need an adults’ help to support me in making sense of what has just happened so I can try to build up memories of what I need to do differently next time.
Emotional Reactions and Misunderstandings
Sometimes I get so upset in situations that I express an emotional reaction that is bigger and more extreme than anyone would expected. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for this emotional expression to be perceived as either a personal attack or purposeful ‘tantrum’, thrown in order to manipulate others and get their own way. This sadly results in the student with ADHD being met with anger or punishment, rather than with the emotional understanding and support they require.
The Power of Listening
Listening with empathy is the most powerful tool an adult has to help me while I try to tell you the words that connect to the feelings and thoughts I am having. I might be anxious, over-whelmed, frustrated, bored, intolerant or even hungry, but it is usually really hard for me to know which one is causing the changes in my behaviour. When my ADHD brain is in charge I am usually communicating through my behaviour. Please know this behaviour is not me purposely trying to be defiant it is just in that moment my pause button and sorting brain are not doing their job and I act on my immediate thoughts and feelings.
Some things to remember when teaching me….
Catch me being good and working hard and I will try my best to stay motivated.
Check in with me to see if I have understood the task.
Sometimes my nervous system floods and my bladder relaxes, which means I need to go to the toilet frequently. This just means I am feeling anxious and need to reset my body.
Sometimes having a system between me and my teacher might be really helpful like leaving a blue pencil on my desk which is code for “I am struggling to focus I just need a minute.”
Sometimes having a code with other adults is helpful like: “looks like the bossy voice is back! What can you/me do to make sure it doesn’t take over?”
Sometimes having a sip of water or looking out of the window for a set time of around 2 minutes helps me to reset my system so I can re-focus.
Be curious and compassionate when you are interacting with me. I need boundaries and rules, but I am more likely to learn if you come close to me, look at me and talk to me in a calm way about what I am doing wrong.
Please know I want to be the best version of me but I need your help.
Dr Marcelle Moore (MA, Hons; MPhil Sc, Doc of Clinical Psychologist; Fellow of APS)
Clinical Psychologist
Director of Family Jigsaws
© Copyright of Dr Marcelle Moore
